Tuesday, April 27, 2010
not my will, but Yours
(I thought this would be the easiest way to let those of you who were interested, know what we found out about our pregnancy.) Yesterday I went to the dr. and he had the results from the autopsy. We are still waiting on the chromosome results and as soon as we get those we will know for 100% that this is what happened but my dr. was pretty confident that this was it. I had what is called a partial molar pregnancy. Basically what happens is 2 sperm fertilize 1 egg so the baby ends up with 69 chromosomes instead of the normal 46. So even if I had carried to term Mikayah would not have lived outide of the womb. This type of pregnancy happens to 1 in 1000 and the dr. said that it is not something that I have to be concerned about happening again. My chances are like 1 to 2 % that this could happen again. He seemed very optimistic about me being able to get pregnant again in the near future and go on to have a healthy baby.
As I was thinking about this yesterday I was so tempted to ask God why... why am I the one that had to go through this. 1 in 1000... that's .01%! But I knew that asking why wouldn't change anything and I do know that for whatever reason it was His will. As I was talking to a friend I was reminded of Jesus when He was being crucified He said if at all possible let this cup pass from me, nevertheless, not my will but Yours Father. And that is what I want my attitude to be in this situation. I did not want this to happen, obviously, but more than anything I want God's will for my life. And now that this has happened my wholehearted desire is that God will be glorified in and through this.
Through all of this I rest in the arms of my Savior and in the promise that He gave Jason and I about 4 years ago through a man that at the time we didn't even know. (some of you have heard this before) We were at a pastor's conference (the one we are leaving tomorrow to attend) and a man came up to us during a break and told us that God wanted him to tell us that we would have kids and that they would grow up to serve Him! And in that promise I find hope and peace and I am so thankful for that! Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Roman 5:1-5